Fear & Disappointment

i'm so useless this time despite after some training/practices. i've been competing the same competition ground for years but yet i still can't get over my nervousness and fear before my turn. every single time when i'm next to go forward i would always be taken back by those competitors' potentials during and after their turns...these instead made me loss my calmness and started getting worried about this and that... in the end, i couldn't even compete to my training's standard. how pathetic! at first, i thought it was really useless to go and compete myself since i'm the only competitor for both categories..be it win or lose, high or low score, i'll still get the gold medal because i'm the only one competing. however as a martial arts practitioner, i have to finish my turn no matter what. only then can i get the medal with a clear conscience. although its really a meaningless competition...overwhelmed by fear and nervousness leads to disappointment this time, or always.